My children !

Like I had mentioned in my last post, I have so many aspects of our Bharatiya sanskriti that I would like to cover or uncover!

I really want to explore and understand coz I just don’t understand most of them! The latest post that triggered my neurons again was around a piece about children sending off their old parents to old age homes. About how ungrateful children become when they grow up....after everything that their parents have done for the children.

There are 2 roads that I want to ponder on. The first question that has always been on my mind....why parents do so much for their children? Why the entire effort of giving the best to their child ..rearing them and bringing them up?

Is it because we, the parents, expect that our “investment” will bear the fruits in our old age? So that when we are no longer in the position to earn our livelihood, they will be our income source? Or do we do it because no matter what, we want the best for children, to enable them become successful when they grow up and live their life, in an unconditional way!

And if that is why, the unconditional reasons, we do things for our children, then why do we expect them to be our support system once we are old? Don’t they have a right to live their own life the way they want? Should parents really be part of their adult day to day life?

To this, we will answer that this is what our “bharatiya sanskriti” teaches us. To love and respect our elders and be there to support them when they supported us when we were young. But as children, did we demand that? Was that what we asked for? Did our parents not give birth to us out of their choice? And so, was it not their duty to do their best? They chose to take up those roles and along with that the responsibilities.

Then, why is it that our parents, always want to dictate the lives of our children till the end of life? And that includes starting from what they wear, what they study, eventually who they marry, what they do with their money and the list continues! Why do we, as parents not accept that our children have a life of their own? Why don’t we let them be adults and let go off the reigns?

Have we ever tried to think this through? Have we ever questioned ouselves?

Finlly, if we did not take steps to secure our old age, why is it their responsibility now? And this is where the old age homes come in! But I will leave this for the next post!

Modern Age Vs our age old “Bharatiya Sanskriti”

Today morning, while browsing, I came upon this video where a young guy pulls a prank on his dad saying he got his girl friend (or whoever) pregnant. The father lashes out at the boy with kicks and punches on the news! Only later to be told that it was a prank.

Being the me that I am, I am aghast! Horrified! Angered!

I am given to understand we have certain “values” in this country and culture and one cannot go, have sex and get impregnated or get someone pregnant, before MARRIAGE! Apni bharatia sanskriti !

But who are we kidding? Are we really still in the age where sex is only after marriage? In a study last year, it showed that nearly 40% of our population has premarital sex. And a huge chunk of 50% refused to answer the question! (I think, if they are refusing to answer, means at least another 25% of that would have had!)

So, now that we have established that premarital sex exists in our country and culture, are there going to be no consequences...like pregnancies, abortions etc?

As a parent, does one turn a blind eye to this and pickup sticks to beat the hell out of one’s child, when confronted with this kind of situation? Or is it time that we start being forthcoming when faced with such scenarios? Why can we not really be the kind of parents who accept the changing times, and be there to accept and support our children, even in their troubled times? Why can we not give the emotional and physical support when our child needs it the most?

The world is changing - technology, economy, political scenario, education and pretty much everything around us is changing!!

When will the parents in this country change?

More on the push-pull of bharatiya sanskriti in the next one...coz i have so much more to say!

Son, grant my dying wish !

Disclaimer: This is not intended to hurt anyone’s sentiments or point to anyone. I am just exercising my right to freedom of thought and speech and words!

I did not really want to write about this but today I just could not get this out of my mind and I had to take it out somewhere. And where but my own space ... Just in the last 2 days 2 incidents came to my notice and I am so furious and perplexed!

So my question to you all out there is how many times have you been emotionally blackmailed by your parents? And how many times have you given in, not because you agreed but because they are our parents and you didn’t want to hurt them!

Let me describe few of the typical scenarios when this mostly happens.... You want to marry the person you love but your parents don’t approve. Or you want to go abroad for better opportunities but you cannot because your parents don’t want you out of their sight. And these days, when you want a divorce but your parents feel that would be the end of their social reputation!

And trust me, these are real/true instances where parents have staged sickness or health problems and asked their children to give up what they wanted to as their dying wish! And medically, there was nothing wrong with them in whatsoever tests.

At one point of time, I felt pity for these children and also appreciated their act of valour, if I may say so. But after a point, I wasn’t sure who I was appalled at – the parents who were forcing their child to do something that he/she does not want to, giving up his/her happiness just so that his/her parents could be happy, or at the child, who repeatedly lets being dragged and cornered into such situations!

My contemplation today is, if you are parents, does it really give you the right to play with your child’s emotions just for your selfish motives?

And as a child, is it really our duty to bend to every wish of our parents, even if it kills us from inside?

Meaning of Love!

Its after quite a few days that I am back to jotting down something here. I guess I didnt come across anything meaningful or anything worth finding the meaning in anything! Sometimes, we just need a break from everything that we do I guess !
Today I came across this video which has a story to tell ...which is as below -

The scene is in the backyard of an old house. In the middle of the yard is a simple bench. Two men, a father and his son, are sitting together on a bench. They are silent. The son is reading a newspaper, turned slightly away from his dad. His father is sitting in the middle of the bench, looking ahead, hands in lap. The silence continues.

A bird lands in a nearby bush. Dad looks at the bird; his son continues reading the paper.

"What is that?" asks dad.

The son looks up. "A sparrow," he replies, and continues reading the paper.

A little later, the bird lands on the lawn in front of dad. Dad sits up, looking at the bird.

"What is that?" asks dad.

"I just told you, father, a sparrow," replies the son, with a little annoyance.

They sit in silence. The dad sees the bird again, and asks, "What is that?"

His son becomes very angry, drops his paper and yells, "A SPARROW, A SPARROW, S - P - A - R - R - O - W!! (spelling it). WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I TOLD YOU SO MANY TIMES, IT’S A SPARROW!!!

His dad stand up and turns away. "Where are you going?" asks the son. His dad does not speak, but motions with his hand for his son to stay there. Dad goes into the house.

The son remains sitting on the bench, somewhat slumped over, looking glum. Dad returns, sits in the middle of the bench right beside his son. He has a book. He opens the book, flips through a few pages, and hands the book to his son. He does not say anything, but pulls his son’s hand up, indicating his son should hold the book. Dad taps a place in the book, and says, "Loud."

The son reads:
"Today, my youngest son, who a few days ago, turned 3, was sitting with me at the park, when a sparrow sat in front of me. My son asked me 21 times what it was and I answered 21 times that it was a sparrow. I hugged him every single time he asked me the same question, again and again, without getting mad, feeling affection for my innocent little boy."

Dad nods. He remembers what happened many years before. There is a pause. Then the son extends his arm around dad, holds him and kisses him on the side of his head, many times. He continues to hold his dad. The words he read have re-awakened the admiration, the appreciation and the love he feels for his dad.

Up in the tree above them, the sparrow looks down at the men below and then happily flutters away.
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The takeaway from the story...well...is that we often forget the love and patience our parents showed towards us during the times we were growing up! And as life cycle treats us, we grow up from a child to an adult and go back to being a child!

But again, come to think of ....we treat our children with so much patience and love because we know they are innocent and they are inquisitive! They are seeing things in this world for the first time! But that is not the case with our parents! Its not that they are naive or they are inquisitive....they just want to test our love and patience! I mean ...in this video...one can clearly see that the old man is not suffering from any physical or mental disability, so why does he keep repeating the same question again and again? Wouldn't we get irritated if any sane adult asked us the same thing repeatedly, in spite of having answered the question??

So what is expected of us? Was that just to test if we treat them the same way they treated us when we were kids? Or was it to test if we are good human being enough to have answer to anything that anybody asks...
I really am lost.....

Quest in Time

The last 2 months, I saw myself overflowing with thoughts...questions...conflicts....
And its with time I realized that with every passing day, the thoughts and questions are becoming lesser and lesser....

I am left to wonder now, do we get so thoughtful and questioning only when things are not going great for us? What makes us come to a point when we start seeking "bliss", as defined by Osho?
With all the time at my disposal, I spent some time on reading couple of books, hoping that it would give me an insight into peace and understanding of life.
Of course there were few things that I totally agree with what they have to say....but I also realized that nothing and no one can give you what you are looking for! It has to be YOU who can answer YOURSELF! It is a quest for self, and that quest will not yield results in a day ! It could actually take a lifetime to understand what life is, and what YOU want and what is the way YOU would like to choose to attain the self realization!
And also that, that journey is not going to be an easy one! We will have to fight circumstances, family, our loved ones if we want to go on our path! No one knows what the path is....it could be just about anything that you can connect to! It just could be in music, in service, in an everyday job or in our daily routine in family! But the path is not same for all! What it is for me does not necessarily have to be the same for you!

Having said that....I am now burdened with more questions!

Re-take on Happiness

Having listened to what my sister had to say on Happiness and wanting to be happy...and agreeing to what she said...I knew there was something missing to it!
It is true that we need to find happiness in whatever we have rather than seek more and more...and that there is no end to seeking....but....

I was watching this movie called Before Sunset (which is a sequel to Before Sunrise) and the things that they had to say throughout the movie was very interesting, and I guess very close to what I feel.
So coming back to wants and desires...is it bad to want more and to desire more?

In Hinduism and in Buddhism, our saints say that liberation from the worldly desires is the first step to Moksha. But what if I dont want Moksha? If I was not the kinds looking for a soulful life? Wouldn't life be dull and boring with nothing to drive you becasue you want nothing? If we had no goals and ambitions in life, wouldn't we be stagnant? The technical revolution that we have witnessed at this age...would it be there if the scientists and researchers did not feel the need to explore more ?

Desires is the fuel of life.... (an excerpt from the movie)

So, What is happiness ?
I would have said it is the feeling of contentment that you get after you have achieved what you set out for yourself or after getting what you wanted! But in the movie I came across a better way to say it... it said Happiness is not in the result or achievement, but in the doing !
Which, come to think of it, is exactly what it is! It doesnt matter whether you win or lose, what matters is the fact that you tried! That is contentment...and that is Happiness !!



(written on Sunday, September 27, 2009)

Mirage....

I got an interesting insight while talking to my sister, during one of our our "philosophical" discussions!
I had asked her if it is wrong to be want to be happy and go after whatever makes you happy! And here is what she had to say.....

"I firmly believe..and that belief convinced me to the core, that the conclusion of can some one find true happiness is NO. Its as simple as that! No one can truly ever be happy. We need to choose to be happy..and out of all the quotes, this one, I undoubtedly think is by far the most truthful!
Its just the bitter bitter truth that we need to be happy within the imperfections...If you have been unhappy for too long... its not because your life isnt treating you right at the moment..its cause you let your self be unhappy...its cause you gave up somewhere...lifes gonna treat you that way all the time...
temporarily changes will brings u happiness but very soon you ll find flaws in them too...its just human nature!

When man has no real afflictions he invents some!..we are the most fucked up species! every good thing comes with a price... insanity is the price we pay for intelligence! I believe we should accept what we cant change..and change what we cant accept but beleive me some changes are just aint worth it!
again only because...u make the change seeking bliss...which doesnt last! DOESNT!
One wonders they are where they are because their past decisions might have been wrong...10 yrs from now..the decision he makes today will make him wonder the same.
Where ever you will stand in 5 yrs from now... u ll still keep looking for what u searching now. We are trapped that is true...but not by the social norms or ethics...we are just prisoner or our own thoughts....and we will be! You just got to control your mind..dont let it control you!"

She goes on to say that life is like a mirage...you always see things you want to see out there, standing here; but the moment you walk up to it to get it, you realise that, that never existed and just isn't there! So you start searching for something new and again you might see it, not realising that it could have the same consequence !


(written on Friday, September 25, 2009)